How We Fight For Our Lives – Saeed Jones

I had put off reading Saeed Jones' "How We Fight For Our Lives" for years, expecting a depressing, harrowing manifesto about the multitude of ways America fails Black men. Let this be a lesson in not judging a book by its cover, because Jones instead offers readers a sometimes funny and relatable exploration of growing up gay.

Weaving humor and heart into serious topics — like race, religion and socioeconomic imbalances — the narrative unfolds like a conversation with a friend. Jones shares his first crushes, stolen glances and the sting of rejection, for both his perceived sexuality and his Blackness.

That rejection extended to his home life too, with a deeply religious grandmother shaming him for hiding magazine clippings of men to his cautious mother that loved him, but never overtly accepted her son’s sexuality. All of this led to Jones feeling like a perpetual outsider. 

When Jones leaves for college on a speech scholarship, it initially presents him the opportunity to live authentically, but he soon gets caught in an identity crisis. Through random sexual encounters with men, struggles with self-acceptance and lingering internalized homophobia from his upbringing, Jones writes about the complexities of masculinity and sexuality with a refreshing clarity.

The last third has a teenage Jones grappling with his mother's death from congenital heart failure. His struggle to reconcile unspoken words and lost opportunities, is only exacerbated by the fact that her life insurance policy means he will now be able to fulfill his dreams. It’s a bittersweet reminder of a mother’s unending love. 

Despite some darker moments — there are a few unnerving scenes of consensual sexual violence and racism — the book remains a surprisingly uplifting coming-of-age story. His journey is one of resilience, as he finds solace in poetry, sheds the codeswitching that dominated his early years and fully embraces his identity.

Jones narrated the audiobook, and while I don’t usually love it when non-professionals take a turn behind the microphone, he did a great job bringing his gorgeous prose to life. “Lives” is well-worth the time in any format.

Rating (story): 4/5 stars

Rating (narration): 4/5 stars

Format: Audiobook (library loan)

Dates read: June 6 – June 9, 2024

Multi-tasking: Good to go. Jones is a great narrator, which makes this feel like a slice-of-life conversation when it could easily read as depressing.