¡Hola Papi!: How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons – John Paul Brammer
Finding my way to “¡Hola Papi!” was a direct result of the #Bookstagram community, and I’m grateful to have spent time with John Paul Brammer’s memories of 13 life experiences.
Usually, I shy away from memoirs by people I know nothing about (he is “famous” for a self-help column that started on the gay dating app Grindr), but by the last chapter I felt like Brammer was an old friend.
There was a lot in his upbringing that reflected my own, which made it easy to relate and appreciate his candor in recapping the horrors of middle school, failed first loves, imposter syndrome and internalized homophobia.
He covers a lot of heavy topics, but it’s done with a retrospective, breezy clarity and humor you would expect from the subtitle of this book, which also happened to be an unexpectedly dark story.
Not everything lands perfectly, but there’s more treasure than trash (looking at you Jeremy Atherton Lin), which makes this a recommended read or listen. Among the highlights:
“How to Save a Rabbit” – a story that will likely hit home for many that were perceived as gay by classmates in middle school. There’s a brief call-back to this chapter in “How to Chat With Your Middle School Bully on Gay Dating App,” which lets you know how this story progresses.
“How to Kiss Your Girlfriend” – worth the read alone for two phrases that showcase Brammer’s unique voice and self-referential humor: “ambiguously Latino potato” and “person with unique difficulty accessing heterosexuality.” All joking aside, he ends it with a critique of the “gold star gay” attitude (i.e. men that have never had physical relationships with women). Brammer says diminishing the role these early (and misguided) relationships with women as conforming to heteronormativity ignores they are a rather important step in developing empathy when creating disappointment.
“How to Disagree With Who You Used to Be” – a exploration of mental abuse in same sex relationships and the baggage it creates. While not as searing or cerebral as Carmen Maria Machado’s “In the Dream House,” Brammer’s understated and matter-of-fact summary of living through a volatile situation will likely make many people realize more subtle warning signs of domestic abuse.
Brammer states early and often that he’s not a trained mental health professional, simply a person that stumbled into a career with the ability to help others. “¡Hola Papi!” is clear example that he’s succeeded.
While not a trained actor, Brammer does a decent job narrating the audiobook. You can hear the emotion creeping into his voice during some of the darker moments, but it’s also fun to hear how he delivers some of his one-line zingers.
Rating (story): 4/5 stars
Rating (narration): 3/5 stars
Formats: Audiobook (library loan)
Dates read: September 20 - 22, 2021
Multi-tasking: Good to go. I mostly exercised and cleaned the house while listening.
