Flamer – Mike Curato
100-Word (or Less) Synopsis: Aiden spends the summer between middle school and high school at Scout camp, where he tries to balance the person he wishes to be with the person he really is.
Expectation: A quick read about those early moments when you start to accept that you might be gay.
Reality: A beautifully drawn, impeccably written and emotionally raw graphic novel that many queer people will find relatable.
Recommended For: Fans of coming-of-age stories with a queer slant.
Why I Read It: It was highly recommended by several Bookstagrammers, and I’d never read a graphic novel.
My Take:
As an adult, you realize the things that made you feel like an outcast or singled-out by peers were not necessarily unique. Many aspects of your personal hell were shared by others, but as a teen — afraid to confide — it felt isolating.
While I couldn’t relate to every aspect of Aiden’s story, I felt seen in Mike Curato’s exceptional “Flamer.” The story helped me process feelings from one of the most confusing summers of my life — the one between middle school and high school.
I wish this book would have been available to me in 1996, because:
What a difference it would’ve made to simply know that someone else was struggling to understand if the “that’s so gay” lexicon of teen boys was an insult or way of inclusion.
What a difference it would’ve made to know that other boys also preferred the female characters in videogames (Sonya Blade for life!).
What a difference it would’ve made to know that other boys also liked girls not sexually, but as wonderful, funny and empathetic friends.
I had never read a graphic novel, and this served as wonderful introduction and high bar for the format. Through illustration that alternates between crude, clear, colorful and monochromatic — is that not the range of teenage emotion? — Curato brings to life the hopes, fears and confusion many queer kids feel as the schism between what’s mainstream and what isn’t becomes clearer.
The writing is understated but still elicits an emotional heft that is both cringeworthy and cathartic. You can tell Curato lived through many of these experiences — he also addresses racial and religious discrimination as well queer isolation — that makes the story feel real and in no way pandering or manipulating.
I hope that the confused 14-year-olds hoping for a fresh start in high school find this book and take comfort in knowing they aren't alone.
I’m not as talented as Mike Curato, but if by telling my story I can help one kid questioning their sexuality and place in the world understand that life can and will get better – it’s all worth it. So here we go:
Middle school was a personal hell. I had, inadvertently, fallen in with the wrong crowd – you know, the nerds – and my interests still aligned to Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers and Disney rather than the NBA and girls.
I seemed happy, but the semi-regular bullying by a few kids and a shunning by those that deemed me as uncool took its tool emotionally. The occasional “gay” or “fag” hurled my way wasn’t easy to brush off either. Did the bullies know something about me that I didn’t know, or was unwilling to accept, about myself?
The summer between middle school and high school I made the decision to reboot my life. I purposely severed ties with many of my friends from middle school — an isolating experience — but quickly made new friends during cross country practice.
As I ingratiated myself with my teammates — many popular upperclassmen that knew my parents (both well-liked teachers) and older brother that had graduated the year before — I was being singled out but this time for the right reasons.
When the school year started, and my social circle continued to grow, it became clear that my plan worked. Over the next four years there was no bullying, no questions about my sexuality and no fear of going to school. In other words, everything I wanted.
The cost for that, of course, was I denied my sexuality and purposely hid some of my interests (it was the renaissance of teen pop, after all!) from others knowing that it would raise questions. It took years to unravel this internal homophobia and finally come to terms with my sexuality.
Was it worth it? Yes and no.
No, in the respect that I had to pass as someone not completely myself to fit in.
Yes, in the respect that I was able to relax and enjoy my life after a few years on edge. I gained confidence and started to feel comfortable in my own skin. Enough so that I came out of the closet sooner than I probably would’ve if I carried around baggage from middle/high school bullying.
Life is messy and wonderful and thrilling and confusing and heartbreaking and overwhelming when you are a teenager. But remember: it’s also not forever.
Rating (story): 5/5 stars
Rating (narration): N/A
Format: E-book (library loan)
Date read: October 18, 2020
Multi-tasking: N/A
